And a cockadoodle doo to you as well, my dear
by The Lord of Snark
Summary: I know, I’m mad for even dreaming about considering imagining a crossover of two otherwise ENTIRELY unrelated series. I came up with this because I couldn’t get off my mind the amazing job Mr. Curry did on both Rooster and Frank’n’furter
1. Intro

I know, I'm mad for even dreaming about considering imagining a crossover of two otherwise ENTIRELY unrelated series. I came up with this because I couldn't get off my mind the amazing job Mr. Curry did on both Rooster and Frank'n'furter. The ordering was a bitch, though.

I do not own any of these guys. Get it? Okay? Good. It's an idea that, theoretically, should have been assumed when you first entered a fanfic site, but some people just don't take much care to notice.

Enjoy. Oh, and when leaving feedback, keep in mind that it's your positive feedback that has kept me from offing myself on oh-so-many-frequent occasions. Any negative comments will result in a cricket-bat to my head. :) But, do be truthful. Heheh.


	2. F1: Frankie's Back, Baby!

"Rooster?!" A pitchy female cry pulled him from his resting state.

The man seemed to be falling in and out of consciousness. His eyes fluttered, a tingling sensation, a deep breath.

_...Columbia...?_ He thought to himself, trying desperately to pull himself to a waking state.

His vision was exceptionally handicapped. All he could see was a white building interior, and a very desperate looking blonde blur inching closer to his face.

He groaned, as if to say _I'm awake. _It sounded like his voice. It felt like his body...

"Rooster! I'm so happy!" She shrieked.

His vision came back soon enough to see a curvy, busty, bleach-blonde woman leaning over him and kissing him full on the lips. Not the worst thing he'd ever woken up to...

She tasted of cheap red lipstick and smelled terribly of old fags.

She parted with him, but stayed close to his face.

Frank could see clearly now, but still felt a bit woozy and unaware.

"Oh, baby, we didn't think you were gonna wake up!" Her voice was thickly squeaky and her accent was reminiscent of old New-York. Lily flashed a taunting smile and pearly teeth, squinting her eyeliner-laden eyes.

Frank's naked lips turned upward and his dumbfounded gaze slowly morphed into a wicked, sexy smirk. "And not a bad thing to wake up beneath."

He reached around, grabbed her by her tiny waist and pulled her against his own, right on his hospital bed.

Hospital bed? But there were more important things to deal with.

He started working on her neck, doing what only Frank does best. He was pleased when he caught an approving giggle.

"Rooster! Quit!" She insisted, trying to separate herself long enough to form a make-shift strict expression. "The feds are watchin' us! Once you get outta this joint, they're gonna lock you up!"

Frank ran his hands up and down her back, holding her close to his chest and chuckling.

"Rooster who? I don't know who you think I am, Sweetie, but I've hardly done anything to get the police riled up. Now, I haven't got any Rooster, per se. But for you, darling, I've got a fairly nice co-"

"Rooster!" She sat up from him, now getting apprehensive, "What's wrong with you?! You don't remember anything?! And why're ya' talkin' like that??"

Frank sat up and took a few moments to survey his surroundings, pursing his lips at the IV in his arm and the beeping, old-fashioned machinery he was attached to. These bots were dinosaurs! Why, Frankie could create something with twice the efficiency in half the time it took to make these.

He sighed, and looked back at Lily with a shrug and an expression of 'Please fill me in on this.'

Lily removed a hankie from her mini-purse and wiped her eyes, totally beside herself.

"Oh no! Baby! The fall screwed up your head! You're gonna be a cripple for the rest of your life! It ain't that I don't love you, but I can't waste my life feeding you, and dressing you! And-

"Undressing me?"

She scowled, sniffled and wiped her eyes a bit more. "This isn't a joke, Rooster. Please, if you're joking..."

Frank opened his mouth matter-of-factly, but was interrupted by a second female voice. And this one was angry. VERY angry.

"ROOSTER, YOU DAMNED KENEIVING CREEP!!"

Ms. Agatha Hannigan stormed into the room, slammed the door, stomped over to the place in which lay Frank, and strangled him right in his bed. Her face was cross and about as red as her hair.

Frank's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull while he tried desperately to choke out his disapproval.

"GET OFF OF HIM!" Lily shrieked, trying to pry the angered lady off of her man.

"YOU. HIT. ME!" Agatha snarled, gripping tightly on her brother's throat, "HOW DARE YOU?!"

"SIS!!" Lily screamed, "He can't remember!! Stop it!"

Ms. Hannigan's expression fell, and she eased off.

When she released her grip from his throat, he yanked away, took a desperate gasp, scrambled off the bed and fell thud on the floor.

"Rooster!" They both called, in unison concern.

Frank seemed to be dragging himself across the floor. The IV slipped out of his wrist as he heaved his tired body over to a body mirror. The person looking back at him... it was definitely his face. But there was no makeup, and he bore a brown, pointed mustache.

His heart dropped. Abruptly, all of his memory returned to him like a rush of cold water. The Floorshow; His Castle; The Transylvanians; Riff and Magenta; the night he died.

'_Cause I've seen blue skies—through the tears in my eyes!_

_And I realize I'm going home._'

As the memories came, he could swear he felt a tear in the corner of his eye.

What the hell was going on?


	3. F2: Frankie Hatches a Plot Most Wicked!

Frank's new face drooped, trying to figure out what has happened whilst simultaneously admiring his sexy new visage. He wouldn't prefer to dress that way, but he would DEFINITELY rub himself all over anyone who did.

Ms. Hannigan and Lily were sitting back by the absented bed, watching quietly as he seemed to be experiencing a divine moment worthy of such silence.

"I think," He started, turning his new head left and right in the mirror, striking various poses and trying to decide which he liked best, "When I died... I much have switched..."

God, he was looking good. He gave himself a wide, suggestive grin, checking himself out.

But if he took the body of 'Rooster,' where did Rooster's spirit end up? Certainly not in his own body, as it was currently and unfortunately deceased. Maybe Rooster never left..?

"Rooster?" Ms. Hannigan tried to interrupt. Nope! Frank'n'furter flipped his head around and eyeballed both ladies, "What happened before? Why am I here?"

He could just taste the confusion radiating off of these two women and into the air as the both took a double take, and hesitated before speaking up,

"Oh, baby, it was awful!" Lily cried, "Those little brats from the orphanage ruined everything! Especially that... that little Annie twerp!"

Ms. Hannigan crossed her arms and gritted her teeth, "She's got it in with that republican billionaire, Mr. Oliver Warbucks." The redhead seemed to put special emphasis on making the man's name sound as sarcastic and twerpy as humanly possible.

"But after they got you, you passed out and stopped breathing! It was so scary!"

Lily sniffled and wiped her eye.

"And that heartless man swore that the moment you were feeling better, he'd have you locked up for attempted murder and fraud!"

Frank nodded his head throughout the recap, trying his hardest to seem interested. Such serious talk was just so... boring.

"Well..." He lowered his eyelids, stared at the ground, then looked back up at the two, "I'll just have to get out of here unnoticed!"

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Oh, what fun! I hope this Fic is finishable. That would be a godsend, finishing a fic for once. :-(


	4. F3: Frank knows how to make it look good

"Unnoticed?" Ms. Hannigan blinked, "that fall really did mess up your head."

Frank answered her scruples with a low, sultry laugh that had, perhaps, never before left Rooster's lips.

"Oh, no, I've got a plan." He pushed himself off of the floor, strode to Agatha and whispered into her ear (Admittedly a bit close for her comfort.) Her eyes lit up as he recited his plan into her ear, and gave her his most enticing chuckle and repeated it into Lily's greedy ear.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Agatha pushed through the bustling clinic, pulling lily by the hand into the waiting room. She searched the area for a desk with a nurse behind it. When she found it, she dragged the blonde behind her and leaned over the counter.

"Hey, sis..." Agatha's eyes fell on the nametag of the nurse she faced. Betty.

"...Betty. Hey, yeah, I told my intern to go get a load of laundry, but she ended up gettin' herself locked out. Pretty young thing, dumb as a dolt!" Agatha laughed so loudly it was annoying,

Lily's expression dropped in shame, but Betty still seemed a might skeptic. She surveyed Agatha for anything suspicious, and then she looked over Lily, who wouldn't take her eyes off the floor. Lily actually made dumb blonde look surprisingly believable.

Betty nodded, shuffled through a drawer in the back of the counter, and removed a set of keys.

"Take this." She conceded and extended the keys to Agatha, which the red-head took graciously.

"Thanks, sis," She grinned and turned back for the laundry room, "Interns are bad luck."

----

----

The two returned to Frank's room in full Nurse-whites.

Frank was lying on the bed (exposed legs crossed, scantily-covered by the green hospital gown) holding his breath and listening to the pulse-scanner beeps slowing down and speeding up.

He exhaled when they entered, and impatiently turned his attention to the white clothing they carried.

"Well, you certainly didn't waste time doing _that_ did you? Do you have the suit?"

Agatha's expression was one of slight embarrassment as she offered the disguise that they had foraged from the laundry bin.

"Well, actually, Rooster, we didn't have much time to be in there. We just had to grab whatever we could find... You gotta understand."

Slowly and hesitantly, Ms. Hannigan handed him the disguise of which he was to bear.

Frank unfolded the Nurses' uniform, complete with pleated skirt and protocol turtleneck, and stared at it with little interest.

Both women seemed shocked that he wasn't... shocked.

"What, do you wanna put them on?!" Lily shrieked.

Frank took the curtains beside the bed and surrounded himself with them.

"My dear, _some_ of us know how to make it look good."


	5. F4: Frankie is teh Skirtmastah!

_Just want to start this out with a "Thanks," Hajiscello, for the glowing reviews, and for mentioning me in the prelude to the new chapter of your 'The Whole Horror' fic! Must pay it forward—so thanks!_

_----------------------------------------------------_

Ms. Hannigan tapped her foot impatiently while Lily lit a smoke (in blatant disagreement with the hospital rules.) Ms. Hannigan stared greedily at the cigarette in the blonde's hand, holding herself back with mental chains. Right, she was trying to quit again. But obiously the smoking habit she was denying satiation was really agitating her.

She gritted her teeth, tapped her feet a bit more, and spoke up in a mono-tone annoyance,

"You know, I shouldn't even be helping you. You've had it comin' to you.

"Terribly thankful for that, 'sis.'" he replied from behind the curtains.

"Whatever." she unenthusiastically murmured, "What are you even doing back there, Rooster?"

"Just a shave~!" Frank called back, in an almost melodic tone, "And it's Frank."

Lily's jaw dropped, "No, baby!" She protested, "I like your moustache! It's sexy!"

"Dreadful news, isn't it?" The pleasing baritone hummed, "But I simply must do something about these legs. And my hair looks awful."

Both women stared at each-other, nonplussed. Lily was gonna cry.

Frank was within the circular partitions, rummaging through Lily's purse after stealing time with her 'ladies' razor' and hair-comb. There was no way his hair would be returned to its former glory in the next few minutes, gelled back as it was.

He made an excited noise that sounded quite like a squeal when he found her make-up bag. She had alot of lifted cosmetics. Not the kind that tickled his fancy (And he did SO love that phrase) but just enough to pass him off as a nurse.

"Et Voila!" After a few moments of uncertainty, Dr. Frank'n'furter clumsily flung the curtains open and struck a pose of utter swank, arms as wide as his dark-red smile.

His jet hair was bigger, and not so gelled, topped with a fold-styled nurse hat; he had made up his eyes and had blended dark shadow Lily's ruby lipstick to create a darker shade. The White nurses' top started below his jaw and perfectly matched his form on it's way down his chest, waist, hips; when the shirt came to a stop it had only just began his pleated-skirt, finishing just a tad above finger's length. His long legs were clad in nude-shade stockings, hugging the curves at his knees and complimented the chunky nurse-flats he was so unaccustomed to.

If he didn't look like a woman, he resembled one just enough to the point that people wouldn't ask for fear of being wrong and appearing rude.

The red-head and blonde eyeballed him up and down.

"Oh my god..." Lily put her cigarette out on the table behind her (eyes fixed on Frank,) strode over to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and snogged.

It took three impatient moments before Agatha decided it was her job to separate the two. She yanked Lily off of him. Lily fell back with a lusty smile which was matched by the one on Frank. She'd never before thought her man could look so attractive wearing her make-up.

Agatha stiffened her lips and marched over to Frank. She stuck her face right in front of his, leering with a glowering ire.

"More?" Frank raised his eyebrows and grinned.

Ms. Hannigan snarled, "Look. Rooster, or Frank, or whoever you are. I'm on my last nerve with you. I'll help you get out. But Rooster, if you're in there somewhere, messing with us, Stop it. It ain't funny."

Frank could just hear the seriousness in her tone, followed by a hanging moment of silence and desperation, desperation for him to smile, laugh and say it was all a joke.

For five seconds, Frank remained silent, and Agatha gave up. She took a deep breath and approached the door, which she opened with force.

"Come on. Fix your hair. Let's get out of here."

Lily tossed Frank a look of vague concern, which was returned with a brow raised in un-interest and and a shrug.


End file.
